pillow talk

having a pillow talk with sister yesterday..
we talk about.. having a child..
and.. the life when we are old..
she not agree with my point..
she said. i'm too negative view..

i did.. if i have no abilities to make my next generation live more better than me..
i wont gave birth.
she asked.. wat if your hubby want?
i laugh at her...
ok.. give me 4 million... then i will gave birth for you..
why so many money?

i have this idea in my secondary school..
it is arent easy to grow up a child..
who donlike children?
i do.. but.. i don think i'm a good mama.
definition of good mama?
haha..

i remember there is 1 teacher ask us to calculate how many money we want to use in 1 year..
then multiple 17 times (i'm 17 years old tat time)
it bcum.. a large amount that i cant imagine how many years i should work then pay this back.
i cant believe my mom use so many money on me.
think of my parents little salary paid.. how can them raise 4 of us grow up?
with little salary?

if i have a child, i want he or she learn a lot..
not really master some skills.. but.. juz let him or her explore hobbies, and wat is interested.
unlike me..
my mom dint let me have any chance to learn other things..
coz.. hurm.. nightmare of that experience..
i don want let my mom so burden..

don talk any bad things in front of child..
they will remember it thou u think they not.
i still remember wat my mom told me when i'm primary 1..
tat's makes me.. don dare ask my mom some topic..

i do think my mom is the most geng mother in earth..
i have no confident i can do wat my mom do for me or more better than her.
i scare the creature that i have make will bcum monster? or.. angle?
i don know..
that is why i don dare..

i don know wat my sis think of after i say it.
but my sis is more cheerful than me..
she still think babies, children is the most cutest in the world
she wants it.. haha..
let me this aunty help you raise ba..
see when my own nightmare end or.. cure by some1.. then i will think of baby..
but now.. that's not..

love, roro